65% of all Americans believe that frozen pizza will never be any good and there's nothing science can do about it. 45% of Americans think rain doesn't feel as good in real life as it seems to in the movies. 16% of Perot voters believe "if dolphins were really smart, they could get out of those nets." 70% of American women have never had an emotionally satisfying relationship with a Republican. 62% of Americans believe that a trip to a major theme park is more culturally enriching than a trip to the Reagan Library.
39% of Americans believe that guns are not "as dangerous as they say." 15% of Americans wish Dennis Hopper would go back on drugs. 29% of Americans believe that Elvis was right to shoot TV sets. 29% of Perot voters say, "The candidate I vote for usually loses." 11% of Americans that suffer from indigestion would rather retake the SAT than watch a Jesse Helms filibuster.
88% of Bush voters "have no idea what rappers are talking about." 14% of Americans surveyed agree that Puerto Rico should not be the 51st state because "that extra star would make the flag look bad." 35% of Americans believe Richard Nixon went to heaven.
59% believe he went "somewhere else."
34% of those who voted in the last election believe "Forrest Gump" was a documentary. 60% of Americans say that, if they could push a button that would make Larry King disappear, they would "keep pushing it and not stop."
37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent. 11% of people who have tried Prozac would like to see Dan Quayle make a comeback because "Al Gore just isn't funny enough." 36% of college graduates think that there are virtually no female serial killers because women "just aren't aggressive enough." 12% of those polled believe the success of actor David Hasselhoff, star of Baywatch, is due at least in part, to "dealings with the devil." 45% of Americans believe that if space aliens could pick up C-SPAN and see Sonny Bono speaking on the floor of Congress, they would never visit the Earth.

17% of college graduates would punch themselves really hard in the face for $50.

28% of those who said they were "normal" Americans, would like to be King of Great Britain, but not if it meant marrying the Queen. 44% of Republicans said they would watch "Nightline" if it had a band and an opening comedy monologue. If Jesus came back and saw that Pat Robertson was his spokesperson, 46% of Americans think that we'd all be in big trouble. 42% of Americans feel that Kato Kaelin should be a passenger on the next space shuttle, whether he wants to go or not.
26% of those in possession of a firearm believe that the second amendment protects their right to buy explosive fertilizer. 81% of those who have seen two or more "Police Academy" movies believe that O.J. is innocent. 29% of those surveyed think that the guy who first put the "Great" in front of "Britain" probably meant it as a joke. 16% of all Americans believe that the world is out to get them.
Of those, 46% are gun owners.
One third of American women agree that baseball was more exciting when it was on strike.
40% of Americans remember where they were when "JFK" the movie was shot. Of those who said they've had a good cry in the past six months, 42% were Democrats, 27% were Republicans and 54% said they believe in UFO's. In the past year 36% of Americans have chanted "We're Number One!"
Only 22% of Bush voters have chanted "We're Number One!"
More Americans say they would rather spend time in a jacuzzi with Dan Rather than Tom Brokaw.
Of those who would tub with Dan, 10% have no health insurance.
12.5% of Americans that voted for Clinton believe that they will someday be told "just what Victoria's Secret is."
98% of Bush voters believe they will never know.
28% of Americans think that our army's high-tech military equipment is too expensive to risk in combat. 65% of American women believe there is "a lot of difference" between a campaign contribution and a bribe.
Only 35% of men see a difference.
10% of the American public would pay $5 to see Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) fight a big mean dog on Pay TV.
86% of all viewers would root for the dog.
100% of women viewers would root for the dog.
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